What’s in a name?

It used to be a given that the bride took her husband’s last name once they married. They also used to say, “I now pronounce you man and wife”. They might as well have stamped “property of Man” on the wife’s forehead. Let’s face it, up until recently women were considered, treated and behaved as if they were subservient to their husbands. The image of the 1950’s housewife with her apron, a wooden spoon in one hand and a vacuum in the other was glorified and represented a traditional role that had been perpetuated for generations.

Things have evolved (to some degree) and now what used to be a given, the taking of the husband’s surname, is now considered tradition. For the first time, I think my generation has been asked more than ever before “are you taking your husband’s name?” Regardless of the response, the reactions are now also mixed and as the bride, I feel like we have to justify our choice either way.

I was recently asked by a coworker if I was going to change my name. When I said yes, she said, ‘oh, that’s very nice of you’. I wasn’t sure how to take that. My choice to be Jennifer Skelley is not a gesture of kindness towards Hal; it’s not motivated by generosity, tradition, or a show of respect. It’s my choice to share his last name. Is there a rational reason for this decision? If you consider the following to be rational:

• When I see or write or hear Jennifer Skelley it makes me smile
• I like that sharing a name represents that we share a life together (I recognize one is not at all dependent on the other)
• I’m looking forward to one day (hopefully) being a family of Skelley’s with our TBD number of children

These reasons are not necessarily practical nor do they need to be. Like many decisions having to do with a relationship, they’re for the most part emotionally driven and based on what will ultimately make me/us happy.

The big question really is, why do we even need a reason to change or not to change our names? It’s a name and how important that is to you should be personal and not up for public judgment, right? This is a rational argument and yet it doesn’t stop me from feeling the need to justify my decision regardless if the reaction is one of acceptance, praise or criticism.

Maybe Hal and I will adopt a new name completely and become the Smiths. Give people something totally new to question.