The Ruins ruin

I spoke too soon yesterday (perhaps wishful thinking) when I said that Cape May was a done deal and the planning could commence. The fiancée informed me last night that he’s now interested in going to Riviera Maya, Mexico. Untouched beaches, ancient ruins, cities and pyramids with names we can’t pronounce, and a swim-up bar at the resort, what could be better? As he peruses the package deal for this 8-day adventure, he proceeds to read aloud the descriptions for every single attraction, excursion and amenity this trip offers. He becomes the new cheerleader for Riviera Maya, as every word is uttered with exuberance. Zip lining!!! Cenotes!!! (We had to look up what a cenote was, but he was still excited about them) Spider monkeys!!! (I think that got the biggest cheer) Snorkeling! – Hal stops himself from adding an extra exclamation point when he realizes he doesn’t like to put his face in the water. So snorkeling is optional.

I listen, eager to move on to the topic of dinner since it’s 8 o’clock and my stomach is growling. I take on a rather noncommittal tone as I express my desire to not spend a lot of money.

Hal: We only live once. When we die we can’t take the money with us.

Jenn: I understand that. But I’m hoping I don’t die before next September that way I can put it towards a wedding I’m alive to enjoy.

Hal: Hmpf.

Jenn: I’m not saying no, I’m just not saying yay, let’s book it. Why don’t we mull over it this weekend?

When I said I would consider it, I meant it sincerely.

Here is where Hal went wrong. We finally sit down to dinner and the fiancée puts on a movie, The Ruins. As the DVD is starting up, I ask him what the film’s about. Judging by his inability to make eye contact, I instantly know that it’s a horror flick. I hate horror movies. There’s nothing appealing about them even though Hal tries to convince me that snuggling up to him would make up for it.

What’s The Ruins about? An ancient Mayan pyramid with evil foliage that kills its victims, usually stupid teenagers on ‘an adventure’. The vines are in search of human blood as they eat away at your flesh and even climb their way into your body. It’s like the body snatchers with possessed ivy and angry flowers. It wasn’t as gory as a movie like Saw but it certainly didn’t help Hal’s campaign to get us on a vacation to Riviera Maya.

What was the fiancée thinking showing me this terrible movie?

Lesson to be learned: Do not pitch a vacation to the Riviera Maya then show a movie that makes this exotic place seem like death trap. It's like showing Snakes on a Plane as the inflight movie. Marketing guru Hal is not.